Sometimes the dips have to get lower...

...before they can start to rise again.  Other than times I've been hospitalized, I have to admit that I hit some pretty deep lows today.  This blog is not meant to be a list of complaints, but sometimes a girl's gotta do whatta girl's gotta do...

1.  Met with doctor who changed medications drastically, wrote on a pad of paper with fury, and walked me to the door with "see you in a month."
2.  Met with therapist and had to admit that symptoms are worsening.  Therapist added that symptoms look more like Bipolar I instead of II at this point.  Seems so much more limiting, real now--more like a Lifetime movie character than who I have always known myself to be.
3.  Had to get eyebrows waxed--never an an enjoyable experience--but the least I can do look semi-human at my brother's upcoming wedding.  Why can we not find a less painful system for this? :-)
4.  Made little headway at finding a new psychiatrist due to insurance hoops.
5.  Packed for upcoming trip to brother's destination wedding only to discover at 8:30 that my older daughter's foot had grown and sandals no longer fit--off to Payless we went!
6.  Up until 4:00 am and back up at 7:00 even with sleep meds---just because, I guess...
7.  Cranky, short-tempered, frustrated today yet can't stop moving because I still feel "unpacked"  and "unprepared" for the trip.
9.  Beautiful, generous cousin/godmother treated me to mani/pedi tonight--definitely soothed and calmed my nerves.
10.  Planning/hoping on getting actual night of sleep tonight--so will leave you with this writing I discovered recently by Edmund O'Neill:

Set yourself free from anything that might hinder you in becoming the person you want to be.  Free yourself from the uncertainties about your abilities or the worth of your dreams, from the fears that you may not be able to achieve them or that they won't be what you wanted.  Set yourself free from the expectations of others, and never feel guilty or embarrassed if you do not live up to their standards.  You are most important to yourself; live by what you feel is best and right for you.  Others will come to respect your integrity and your honesty.  Set yourself free to simply be yourself, and you will soar higher than you've ever dreamed.

Be good to yourself